Updated: May 28, 2018
It’s not me. I feel this way because,…..
…he won’t change.
…she is a teenager and moody.
…he is jealous.
…of my health challenge.
…I don’t have enough money.
…I can’t find my passion.
Most people assign responsibility for their discomfort, sadness or stress by selecting an incident, someone’s behaviour, or circumstances outside of themselves as the culprit. Assigning blame for the unwanted experiences they’re having is a strategy. It’s what they know. It’s the strategy they learned as a child and continue to use as an adult because it appears to work. The strategy of blaming outside circumstances or people, keeps them from having to do anything differently than what they are doing now, because it avoids having to change.
On the other hand, to take responsibility for their unhappiness, discomfort or stress would mean, they would have to do something about it, and ultimately, that would mean change.
So, the strategy of blaming outside circumstances doesn’t make things easier, it actually makes life harder.
How does the strategy make life harder?
1. It takes you out of alignment
When you attribute blame to something outside of yourself, your awareness shifts from who you really are, to the ego.When this happens, you become isolated from your inner wisdom and begin relying on your past that is plagued with limiting beliefs to resolve the issue.
2. What needs to change within you is ignored
The Universe uses the experiences and people in your life to draw you inwardly home to who you really are.This is your purpose. If you draw your awareness inward, question what is creating your discomfort and transform your limiting beliefs, you begin to see that what you thought was creating your distress, is not. It was actually your thoughts you were thinking about it that created your stress, and not the situation or people themselves.
3. What you focus on expands
When you see the outside world as hostile, and to blame for what you are experiencing, you actually are creating more of what you don’t want.The Universal law of metaphysics is that what you think about expands and multiplies, so thoughts of how others are responsible for your stress or doing something wrong actually creates more stressful circumstances.
4. It keeps you from making changes
It’s exhausting to feel sad, annoyed or stressed. Changing how you perceive situations or relationships by changing your strategy, can bring the peace and calm you hunger for.
Why do you resist change?
1. Change requires more effort
It’s easier to keep doing what you’ve always done, the way you have always done it.Let’s face it, when things can be accomplished without much thought or effort, it takes less energy and you can get more accomplished.
2. You’ve been wired to find the path of least resistance
Your brain is wired to make connections, find similarities, form conclusions and assimilate new behaviours into old existing patterns. If you’re trying to create a new way responding or develop a new behaviour or habit, your mind wants you to maintain the status quo. Your mind is going to try to convince you that the change you’re attempting to accomplish is not working, not what you are supposed to do, and try to convince you to go back to the old way of doing things.
3. Your automatic pilot gets turned on
Change requires conscious awareness. That means, you need to be paying attention by maintaining your state of awareness on the present moment so that you can notice when you are reverting back to old ways of being. When your automatic pilot gets turned on, you move through life without really recognizing the details of what you are doing. It is just like when you drive to the store and when you get there, you realize you were not really paying attention and can’t really remember how you got there.
Discomfort, sadness, lack, and stress are messages from the Universe, letting you know your awareness has strayed, is focussed on the mind, (the ego) and on your limiting beliefs. Drawing your awareness inward, questioning what you are believing and transforming limiting beliefs are crucial to creating a new habit of maintaining a peaceful state of being. It would mean changing the strategy of blaming outside circumstances for your discomfort to a new strategy of seeing the discomfort as a gift. Discomfort is a gift because it is letting you know your awareness has shifted outward and is no longer aligned. Once you notice the stress, you can draw your awareness inward and in alignment with who you really are, question the thoughts you are believing and finally, transform the thoughts that are creating the stress.
Lori Brant is the author of “The Happiness Toolbox: Finding happiness regardless of circumstances,” a motivational speaker, Life Coach and Life Coach trainer who inspires people to tap into their natural state of happiness rather than rely on outside circumstances. For more information about Lori, go to www.LoriBrant.com.